*cockers arse*
i'm michael jackson.. you ARE MICHAEL JACKSONwe are ALL
JACKSON.. stand up.. moomwalk.. grab your nuts
JACKSON.. stand up.. moomwalk.. grab your nuts
*cockers arse* i met cocker in paris we were in an art galleryand his girlfriend would'nt have sex with me
he talked some ponce about the rothko.. but really he just doesn't get it
he talked some ponce about the rothko.. but really he just doesn't get it
I meant Samantha Cocker of Turnham Green I like Rothkoapropos of naught
I prefer the free formarchitectual changes that came out of the Bauhaus movement, that stimulated art in general, Gropias was a genius
Gropius?meh - architecture schmarcitecture - I like Gothic and like the theory of Bauhaus but little of the substance.
I also like bread.
I also like bread.
but...Bella Lugosi is dead
heathenart of the highest form
Lutyens
wow
Lutyens
wow
BE PROUD THRILLER
HE BROUGHT ZOMBIES TO LIFE
HE BROUGHT ZOMBIES TO LIFE
It was trickery, Riggers.Stop being weird for a moment, and regard...
*regards*through his tears i
came to drown
and as a kid
i wanted to be brown.. with glasses and a phD in clams
came to drown
and as a kid
i wanted to be brown.. with glasses and a phD in clams
now you're freaking me out i've ninja'd jjust for you
we're right behind you mate*backs away slowly with hatchet*
You.Calm. The fuck. Down.
F'fuck's sake.
F'fuck's sake.
on close examinationobsession is not a bad thing
email?
email?
when he died and you were on herewell, then I knew you weren't the same person
or are you and JACKSON'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLIVVVVVEEEEEE
or are you and JACKSON'S ALLLLLLLLLLLLIVVVVVEEEEEE
can we commission a recording of this pleasehe'll do anything for exposure that man
FINALLYsomeone else knows
may I have your (dead) autograph?and a dead rat
anything for you babe fuck!you!
:)
:)
He would probably let you Easy now, you'll do yourself a mischeif.I just got back from seeing in Blur in Hyde Park - terrible support bands but they were brilliant! :)
dizzee is on tomorrow nightcan you hear it outside the barrier?
Couldn't be arsed to watch itsat and watched "The Departed" instead, watched "Lesbian Zombie Killers" this morning and "Wolf Creek" this afternoon
Today has been mostly a bloodfest
Today has been mostly a bloodfest
how's a portion like that supposed to help*chip shops*
I made the best frittata I have ever made tonight.Started as a "what can I make from what I have?" situation, but fuck me, that was a little (well, huge) piece of eggy, potatoey, oniony, bacony, sagey, tomatoey heaven.
Go me.
Anyone else eating well tonight?
Go me.
Anyone else eating well tonight?
Does Cockspur rum and coke count as a foodstuff? white wine and fags counts as well surely? I reckon you have at least two major foodgroups there. cocaine is a food group? cor
*dials dealer*
*dials dealer*
The "Class A" food group. ohh yeseat food
*rolls spliff*
*rolls spliff*
I had a pizza and burnt the top of my mouth.It now feels like there are strips of burnt skin hanging down inside my mouth.
"Further Adventures of Miniature Biscuit in her new big bed - Day 5. She now knows she has to stay in her new room and doesn't come out to get in our bed. However she won't sleep in her bed unless I'm in the room, which is not going to happen-not getting into that rigmarole. So, she's decided to sleep on the floor instead. Evedrytime she falls asleep I go up and put her into bed, she wakes up and gets out and falls to sleep on the floor, ad infinitum. She's now taken to sleeping behind the door so I can't get in without cracking her on the head. I've given up. If she wants to sleep on then floor then she can. Silly bint.
"Further Adventures of Miniature Biscuit in her new big bed - Day 5. She now knows she has to stay in her new room and doesn't come out to get in our bed. However she won't sleep in her bed unless I'm in the room, which is not going to happen-not getting into that rigmarole. So, she's decided to sleep on the floor instead. Evedrytime she falls asleep I go up and put her into bed, she wakes up and gets out and falls to sleep on the floor, ad infinitum. She's now taken to sleeping behind the door so I can't get in without cracking her on the head. I've given up. If she wants to sleep on then floor then she can. Silly bint.
strike a deal with herbribery works everytime, but do it on your terms. Given the choice of two things (both of which can be beneficial for all parties) children will chose one or the other.
As their identity establishes itself, they become aware of being able to manipulate their surroundings, that includes you! The good thing is, if you can help direct it rather than get frustrated about it. Not easy I know, but resolute and consistent resolve works now and therefore the future
As their identity establishes itself, they become aware of being able to manipulate their surroundings, that includes you! The good thing is, if you can help direct it rather than get frustrated about it. Not easy I know, but resolute and consistent resolve works now and therefore the future
We've been doing that.A sticker chart with smiley faces for when she stays in bed all night. It worked well with her potty training. In fact she cracked that within a week. SHe started calling from the top of the stairs a moment ago and I tried to talk to her about her stickers.
"Do you want a smiley sticker on your chart tomorrow?"
"No."
Oh
"Do you want a smiley sticker on your chart tomorrow?"
"No."
Oh
"do you want one tomorrow?""no"
"ok, have you finished yet?"
"hang on"
"ok, have you finished yet?"
"hang on"
she knows how to get round youlearn to get round her, each time she learns the trick you have to be smarter...in the end they figure it out and do it anyway....sometimes
I had a screaming fit tonight.She was yelling like she was being killed for an hour and then got asked if she wanted a smack and to be quiet or she would get one.
She shouted NO! and got a smack.
Then she had a small pause and began screaming again for another hour before sleeping.
I should stress, this is the sound of a child being murdered, but if you are with her you see that it is not so much screaming as shouting the sound of a scream. She is a little distressed, but mostly it is just noise making.
She shouted NO! and got a smack.
Then she had a small pause and began screaming again for another hour before sleeping.
I should stress, this is the sound of a child being murdered, but if you are with her you see that it is not so much screaming as shouting the sound of a scream. She is a little distressed, but mostly it is just noise making.
we're all not perfect :)its all trial (sic) and error, I would have responded to the 'no' with
WHAT DO THE FUCK YOU WANT THEN!
WHAT DO THE FUCK YOU WANT THEN!
ah,the old confuse them and run ploy
I offered her just about everything.Basically we had the standard protest shrieking because she did not want to be in bed.
The other two had grown out of this by the time they were 18 months, but this one is a shite-bag and no mistake.
The other two had grown out of this by the time they were 18 months, but this one is a shite-bag and no mistake.
you should frame this post and give it to her on her 18th birthday. don't worryall parent's pray for the day when they can give it back to their kids
Eldest doesn't have clue what my T-Shirt will be on his 18th in December, by then he'll have lived here 4.5 months
REVENGE BWhahahahhahahhahaa
Eldest doesn't have clue what my T-Shirt will be on his 18th in December, by then he'll have lived here 4.5 months
REVENGE BWhahahahhahahhahaa
get a fucking ball gag It gets close some time. "ONE"..
..
"TWO"
you only have to punch them square in the face on "TEN", once
..
"TWO"
you only have to punch them square in the face on "TEN", once
only have to follow the threat of a smacked arse onceif you follow it through. Useless if you back down from anything you say will happen, if it doesn't...empty threats they suss out quick
hit me - Iann Dury - live in Brrixton circa 1983
hit me - Iann Dury - live in Brrixton circa 1983
Ah. Ickleuminator is at the same stage.She's been in her bed for a few weeks now, but she tends to come pottering through to our bed when she wakes up at 4, 5, 6, whatever. She's pretty good at climbing in and going to sleep but sometimes she doesn't sleep and thumps and kicks us until we wake up....
She took to the actual bed thing very quickly though...
She took to the actual bed thing very quickly though...
my boys come through about 6.30snuggle up and I we watch TV until the race down for breakfast
castle spacefish has been filling up on sausagemeat toasties and red stripebut i harvested some artichokes this morning, and they will make us a nice soup before we head to the farmers' market the morn
its beautifully balmy hereslight breeze
mmm!I forgot about your artichoke bush!
i've got bright yellow and red chard coming up at the momentit looks like spinach on acid
and i keep finding raspberries randomly growing in the hedge, which is another win
and i keep finding raspberries randomly growing in the hedge, which is another win
mmmI love chard.
Chard crumble mings
bombay bad boyand a nice cabernet. Possibly 2 nice cabernets. But only 1 bombay bad boy.
Dammit I wanted pizza, but that concoction of yours is making me drool. From the mouth.
Dammit I wanted pizza, but that concoction of yours is making me drool. From the mouth.
it was fucking awesome.I've made frittatas a hundred times, but that was just wonderful.
*still hasn't refilled freezers and fridge since nut cull*cleaned the fuckers as well, not a trace of nut in them I can tell you!
my culinary exploits this weekdidn't get further than a spanish omelette :)
Nobut I really fancy a beer. I packed in drinking for just under 2 months (We went on holiday so I thought I'd have a few). The net result is I've lost over a stone, and I don't really miss the drinking at home, so I only do it when I'm out playing darts.
That said, I also fancy a kebab :)
That said, I also fancy a kebab :)
End of July/first week of August for Abu Dhabi I might even be there...Will confirm dates when I get back to work on Monday.
don't get seen with himyou'll get locked up too
look what happened to SSSSnuff said
I had a pea fritter today, it was nasty.does anyone have a copy, or know where I can get a copy of TLC, a sitcom with Reece Shearsmith?
microwave pasta and some weird 'powerbar recovery shake'in preparation for my 120 mile ride tomorrow night.
tomorrow: more pasta and some last minute prep
tomorrow: more pasta and some last minute prep
did I sponsor you? i'm not doing it for charidybut feel free to give a beers worth to your favourite
my ankle has been twingey for a few days. I'm getting paranoid!
my ankle has been twingey for a few days. I'm getting paranoid!
(old) nutter I had rather nicetakeaway pork and noodles. But then, I do live thirty seconds from a suprisingly good chinese takeaway. It inspires confidence when you can actually stand there and watch the chef at work with his wok.
otherwisetwo canned G&Ts, two bottles of spitfire, and on my second bottle of broadside. Got distracted by an ex housemate on the phone. I normally don't really do chatting on the phone. 1 1/4 hours later...
had one last nighttwo in a row they'll think Rigby's staying
i was out with two girls who want to be men. one of which is cute as fuckanyaway the gf wasn't impressed and stormed out
whoops
whoops
she's obviously seriousshe just sent me a picture of her arse
really?care to show us
*smuts*
*smuts*
though the sorrow, all through the splendourdon't take offence at, my innuedo
franklydoes Brian May's playing get any better than this?
More stupid Spoonerism names:-Herve Pippy - sexually weird French beatnik
Lucy Japdancer - escort
Hans Glandler - gay German
Jeff T Hugs - large tranny
Jim Quoose - cunnilingus enthusiast
Petey Menis and Mick Thember - gay porn double act
Lucy Japdancer - escort
Hans Glandler - gay German
Jeff T Hugs - large tranny
Jim Quoose - cunnilingus enthusiast
Petey Menis and Mick Thember - gay porn double act
I'm laying back on a bean bag by the patio doorslistening to stuff on shuffle, drinking beer. Spitfire, for now. Going down nicely.
pub didnt worksmoking and drinking in conservatory
loud music, various
missing mum
loud music, various
missing mum
my mum and dadare off to my grandpa's this weekend, to help him prepare to move out of the house he had built for his family, and has lived in for over forty, possibly closer to fifty, years, into sheltered housing. He's not one given to displays of emotion, but I reckon it'll be pretty hard.
The house is far too big for him though- it's a four bedroom bungalow, with a vast kitchen, massive dining/living room, huge front lounge (use: christmas, when the minister is round etc) and sizeable garden. Think he's about 86- still pretty active, but even still, it's now clearly too much for him.
Mindyou, I think my main memory of that house will, probably, be the week my gran died. It was during the Easter holidays. She'd been badly ill for a couple of years, in and out of hospital- that christmas we'd battled deep snow between Buckie and Elgin to see her in hospital. My grandpa knew she was reaching the end, and so my mum went up to be with them. My sister was off at a friend's farm helping with lambing, but I had nowhere else to go, so went with mum. Can't exactly remember details, but I think she died early in the week, and we had the funeral that weekend- getting the kirk was never going to be an issue for an Elder. From just my grandad, my mum and me the house suddenly overflowed with family- I think it is still the biggest gathering of that side of the family I've ever been at. Church filled up for the funeral.
So, um yeah. It's the hose where my mum started school from (she'd lived in two other houses prior), just down the road- opposite the secondary she went to as well. And, as I said, it was an empty plot when grandpa bought it. As far as I know, though, he's selling it to the church for them to use a Manse, allowing them to sell off their even bigger, old, draughty property. I don't think there's anyone else he'd sell it to, to be honest.
The house is far too big for him though- it's a four bedroom bungalow, with a vast kitchen, massive dining/living room, huge front lounge (use: christmas, when the minister is round etc) and sizeable garden. Think he's about 86- still pretty active, but even still, it's now clearly too much for him.
Mindyou, I think my main memory of that house will, probably, be the week my gran died. It was during the Easter holidays. She'd been badly ill for a couple of years, in and out of hospital- that christmas we'd battled deep snow between Buckie and Elgin to see her in hospital. My grandpa knew she was reaching the end, and so my mum went up to be with them. My sister was off at a friend's farm helping with lambing, but I had nowhere else to go, so went with mum. Can't exactly remember details, but I think she died early in the week, and we had the funeral that weekend- getting the kirk was never going to be an issue for an Elder. From just my grandad, my mum and me the house suddenly overflowed with family- I think it is still the biggest gathering of that side of the family I've ever been at. Church filled up for the funeral.
So, um yeah. It's the hose where my mum started school from (she'd lived in two other houses prior), just down the road- opposite the secondary she went to as well. And, as I said, it was an empty plot when grandpa bought it. As far as I know, though, he's selling it to the church for them to use a Manse, allowing them to sell off their even bigger, old, draughty property. I don't think there's anyone else he'd sell it to, to be honest.
He'll have all those memoriesand more
how old is he?
how old is he?
*looks into crystal ball*I'll bet you £50 he is between 84 and 87, you up for that bet?
grasshopperage is sometimes hard to guage...he did say he thought he was...
4 pints on all the other ages?
payable on sight
4 pints on all the other ages?
payable on sight
Quite frankly I would be upset if you didnt buy me a few pints on sight....:(
it will prove to be a long night Just make sure the ederly fuckerdoesn't squander your inheritance.
afternoon anyone using spotifythat wishes to suggest additions now can just add them, I think. This may not be a good idea.
lord of the onion rings wrong threadI can't help but feel
couldn't be botheredgoing back and make the link, but it is Edit: in that memorable thread now. All of them made made me laugh out loud several times today. There are some weird minds on here
Edit 2: this aspire is great but since this is my first own laptop, my fringers are getting used to the smaller keyboard souly.
Edit 2: this aspire is great but since this is my first own laptop, my fringers are getting used to the smaller keyboard souly.
the one thing that is driving me madon this dell netbook is the touchpad. Bit too sensitive, and it is flush with the surrounding.
thumb keeps hitting touch pad so a book lifting it might helpwhy does it not have collapsible legs to angle the fucking keyboard???
would keep it cooler too, someone sell this quick and give me half
would keep it cooler too, someone sell this quick and give me half
hank warder - human bonobo Vlimy Sagina - Bulgarian Shot Putter clare bunge - exhibitionist Baddle Sags - Curtain Makers* * By HRH Appt to the Quoon
Luton 3 - Ernest Borgnine answer your bloody emails WYFAYBOA? What next? it's logical from he Russian perspectiveafter all the scamming going on, only Nigerians can afford their gas prices
I like their attitudedo you see what I did there?
The useless Scottish oaf is 2-1 down.C'mon Tiger Tim!! Grrrr *does claw action*
the truely offensive bit is how they will treat the local people not a look in on the profits.. oh that sounds familiar
bbc reporting on boring people's conversations on social networking sitesbut wait: nigger jokes!
I am palpably relieved that there isn't going to be a Brit still in Wimbledonby the time I land tomorrow morning.
Remind me of the great British things that I'll be experiencing soon. Other than relatively lax alcohol laws I can't think of many.
Remind me of the great British things that I'll be experiencing soon. Other than relatively lax alcohol laws I can't think of many.
More of your own kind? Decent chips? Thats it. errrm edit: i'm really struggling
Sometimes they give you a copy of the Daily Mail on these transatlantic flights.That should get me in the mood!
last time i came back into the countryi remember thinking ah, that's the right shade, first field i saw.
other places get the green wrong.
's about it
other places get the green wrong.
's about it
What dot he greyed out numbers in brackets mean on this page? tiebreaker scores So, it says (7,6) and then, in grey, (7,3)I thought that, after 6 games, they played on until someone is 2 ahead - what is a tie-breaker then, just alternating serves until someone is 2 ahead?
what the rev saidat 6 games all, first to 7 (not games, points), but they have to be 2 points ahead, hence they sometimes go on for ages
You mean the tie break scores?It's the...erm...tie break scores. If the scores go to 6-6 (games) then they have to play a tie break - first to7 by 2 clear points,
people able to say "about" It is called Ni-GazThis seems a sensible name for a gas company in Nigeria.
How can anyone really think that this is offensive?
How can anyone really think that this is offensive?
Likewise, there's nothing wrong with referring to theSumatran Striped Rabbit as a jungle bunny.
Their electricity company is called NEPAKnown locally as 'Never Expect Power Again'.
Good NOON!a client has asked us to install this on one of our servers
I'm somewhat reluctant
How are you? I'm chuffed because the content filter has broken and I can now get quality website such as this
I'm somewhat reluctant
How are you? I'm chuffed because the content filter has broken and I can now get quality website such as this
I would uncheckbox number 2
This new office is badly designed.nearly every internal surface is reflective. The office itself is made of glass.
I'm going blind in here.
Lucky I work for an opticians really.
I'm going blind in here.
Lucky I work for an opticians really.
hurrr hurras if!
murray about to start the semi.ahem
BOING I thought you'd like thistoday's Galloway Gazette front page headline: 'GIRL GETS NAIL STUCK IN FOOT'
pah!I've got 10 stuck in mine
freak! to clarifyI've got five in each. Not ten in one.
He's a ghost It sinks I meant my girl dies. alergic reaction to being stung to fuck a quality paper. Did you tell him redex comes as standard?/firewall here isn't broken
I'm lacking things to doflash is broken on my PC and I can't reinstall it.
have you considered cribbage?
no I think you want to remove ?????-?????? from the textboxas it's quite clearly been trademarked above and you might get in trouble
*clicks '????? >'*
*nothing happens*
*nothing happens*
an ambulance is on its way